10/ 09/ 2008
It’s kind of heartening to know that men are reading the same mind-numbingly ridiculous B.S. in their quests to get in our pants as we are in our quests to get into theirs. In fact, I find it quite amusing that Men’s Health seems kind of like Cosmo for guys.
This story–5 tips on how to get a woman to notice him–is a case in point. I am totally perplexed by these suggestions, and I’m not surprised it was written by a man. I hope the readers of the magazine are checking into whether this guy ever gets laid before taking his random advice.
Think Will Ferrell, not Colin Farrell.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who’d take Will Ferrell over Colin Farrell.
‘Men tend to hold forth on topics they know a lot about,’ … Women call this male-pattern lecturing, and it bores the hell out of them.
We don’t like being lectured; I’ll give you that. But meeting a guy who knows a lot about something I don’t can be very sexy. I love watching men go on about something they’re passionate about; they’re refreshing compared to the men who can’t think of an interesting thing to say if their lives depended on it. Not to mention–I’ve never heard the term “male-pattern lecturing” in my life.
Make eye contact and lean forward. You’re interested in what she’s saying.
Look–if you have to remind yourself to act like you’re interested, I’m not interested in talking to you. Move on to someone who stimulates you more; you and I both deserve it.
Hearing her name stimulates the right side of her brain, which means she’s paying attention to you. Drop her name into the conversation a couple of times.
Perhaps this is something that goes on subconsciously and I’ve never noticed it … but I’m pretty sure randomly mentioning my name will interrupt the flow of the conversation. It’ll just make me think you’re trying really hard not to forget it, and that you’re one of those freaks who has a copy of “How to win friends and influence people” in your nightstand because people skills don’t come naturally to you. Then again, forgetting my name is equally unattractive.
If you want real advice, don’t open. Just think: What Would Dwyane Do?
Men’s Health isn’t really doing anyone any favors with the above column. I’m still grateful that this shows at least that men are curious about what we want. And it really makes me wonder what men think when they pass by the magazine stands and see headlines like “How to give him what he really wants in bed,” or whatever. Not that anyone who knows what she’s doing takes those articles seriously. Here’s a thought … maybe the people writing these tutorials are actually playas who are out to protect the secrets to their success by giving others useless advice or just steering them in the complete wrong direction. Good one, guys.