13/ 06/ 2008

Don’t hate the game

Great message from another blogger: why can’t men who are seeking committed relationships employ the casanova-esque pickup techniques to meet the women of their dreams?

We’ve all seen the formulaic romantic comedy movies about some dude who meets a girl with less than sincere intentions and “accidentally” falls in love with her, then the girl is appalled when she discovers that they met under false pretenses. The idea that playing games or being anything less than sincere is a horrible horrible offense is ingrained in our culture. But truth be told, those forumlaic romances have a point: in the end, the couple always ends up together, because what matters is what they built AFTER their meeting, not the meeting itself.

Ah … the meeting. Too much f*ckin emphasis is put on the meeting. People need to wake up and deal with the fact that the only function of the meeting is to create a nice bedtime story to tell your grandkids, or an easy anecdote to lead off your vows with if and when you get married. So I ask you this: are you prepared to change the course of your life because you fear the night when for 5 agonizing minutes your offspring’s offspring will be disappointed that you don’t have a Cinderella story about your first 5 dates with grandpa?

I’ve seen too many of my hot, succesful girlfriends (who happen to be desperate for love) reject men because they (a) have no game, or (b) have too much game. And by too much game, I mean they go on 2 dates before they decide these guys are too suave and therefore must be manipulative assholes.

To this I say–yes. Maybe they ARE manipulative assholes. But the worst thing a manipulative asshole can do to is get you in bed and then disappear. Though it isn’t the best feeling in the world, it’s not the end of the world either. Rather than avoid all men with game, you should be cautious around EVERY man, game or no game. His ability to be suave rather than awkward in front of you at first has nothing to do with his potential as someone you can spend your life with, because down the line, you’ll have become comfortable around each other and what his intentions were in those first few nights will no longer matter. What WILL matter? Things like whether he has good manners, sane parents, a stable income and doesn’t mind washing the dishes. We have to think big picture, people.

As for the women who overlook guys with no game, I don’t blame you at all. (Sorry “nice guys,” I have no sympathy for you either.) While it’s true that you may be overlooking some very decent potential parters with great long-term relationship qualities, it’s NOT your fault that they have no game. Guys, if you can’t even grow a set or come up with a clever way to get a girl’s attention, you don’t deserve it. Though it may not be a game, it certainly is a competition. Perhaps there are women out there who would appreciate you for being so unexceptional, but I am not one of those women. I appreciate the skill it takes for a man to stand out from the crowd, and to get what he wants. If he turns out to be an asshole, he won’t have the pleasure of having my companionship permanently. If he isn’t, then not only will I have myself a nice guy, but I’ll have myself a nice guy who’s a winner. Newsflash: I like winners.

There are two morals to this story. One is that women need to get over themselves and learn that first impressions are just that–first impressions. Men should be judged on the full package: first impressions AND their behavior afterward. It’s no one else’s fault that you’re expecting a marriage-worthy relationship after only a handful of dates or a one night stand; that expectation is utterly unreasonable. The other moral: men, especially men who know they are good catches, need to step up their game all around. It’s a competitive market. Just like we all need to look sexy for you, y’all need to work on your pickup techniques for us. It’s not OUR fault that sleazebags have the brains, guts and confidence to outdo your game; it’s yours. So what are you gonna do about it?

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I'm a 30-something multimedia creator from New York. I do videos on Youtube centered on open discussion and co-mentorship. Once a month, I host a Q&A with inspiring people from entrepreneurs to athletes and more on The itsme Podcast. Be warned: I can be opinionated. But it's all love! Please follow and subscribe, it would mean a lot! :)

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