07/ 05/ 2008

The give and take of wingmanning

Reading this reminded me of something I SO have needed to get off my chest: the cock-blocking must stop.

I pride myself in the tireless efforts I put in to help my friends get what they want. If she spots a hot guy at the club, even if I think he’s hot, too–I do everything in my power to encourage her and facilitate their initial contact. If the initial contact gets off to a rocky start, I’ll even go as far as helping orchestrate the rest of the meeting until numbers are exchanged. That’s just how I am.

God forbid my friends do the same for me.

I generally don’t need too much help letting guys know I’m interested. It’s part of the reason why I serve as a good wing woman (is that the right term?)–I’m not really ashamed to give vibes. Yet somehow, instead of picking up on my vibes and taking them as a signal to help, my girlfiends often take them to mean they should work in overdrive to ruin things.

A few weeks ago, for example, I went to a hip hop spot and immediately made eye contact with a guy who looked like he’d at the very least be fun to dance with. My friend was with me so I did the diplomatic thing; I turned slightly to give him the green light to move closer, but kept close enough to her so as not to abandon her. At a moment like that, a good wing woman in her position would either find someone else close by to dance with, or at least be enthusiastic in our little group dance. Instead, she rolled her eyes and angled her back toward him, folding her arms over her chest and doing what seemed like her best job at looking unhappy. Torn between the two, I did the good-friend thing, shrugged at him apologetically and turned my attention toward her, which brought her around a little bit. Not wanting to be ignored, he turned the heat on and gestured for me to dance with him again, at which point she said, “Can we go now?”

Last week, another friend and I were partying it up and getting a fair amount of attention when I locked eyes with a guy and started dancing and chatting him up. Not two minutes later, it became apparent that the short unforunately looking dude standing next to him was with him, and wanted to dance with my friend. But rather than handle that ish somehow on her own, she turned to me, pulling me away from my guy. Another opportunity was lost–not that his wingman was doing much more on his end. Selfish bastids!

On the flip side, my friends seem perfectly willing to let me get pulled away by horrible, sweaty, disgusting, aggressive men, and then act like they were helpless to stop it. I would NEVER let them dance with someone they were trying to get away from. What gives?

I don’t think it’s always the “competition” or jealousy, but it’s definitely selfishness at its best.

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I'm a 30-something multimedia creator from New York. I do videos on Youtube centered on open discussion and co-mentorship. Once a month, I host a Q&A with inspiring people from entrepreneurs to athletes and more on The itsme Podcast. Be warned: I can be opinionated. But it's all love! Please follow and subscribe, it would mean a lot! :)

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