30/ 03/ 2007

“Nice guys” … or so they say

Oh boy.  I took a few precious moments out of my day to read this little “nice guy” bit, from a person who I guess is sick of striking out with women who favor the bad-ass guys over him.  (See below for the original rant)

Well here’s what I think:

‘Nice guys finish last’ is a poor excuse for men who fall short of what they want to be.  It’s for men who give themselves WAY too much credit for being mediocre and who think they can earn their way into a woman’s heart by “listening” and pandering to her.  What they don’t realize, is women don’t like guys who whine.  It’s just about the most unattractive thing you could ever do aside from picking your nose in front of her.

On the other hand, if you have what she wants, you can pick your nose all you want and she’s still going to want you.  Maybe if you stay real and stop playing games and trying so hard to uphold your “nice” image, she’ll pay more attention to you. And honestly; if your world revolves around her, it doesn’t make you a “nice guy,” it makes you a person with very little else to do with your time. Her boyfriend’s not an asshole, he just has a life. And guess what? SHE LIKES THAT. It’s sexy.

I definitely see a gender disparity when it comes to this debate — we see the “nice guys finish last” cliche beaten to death in pop culture and the proverbial men’s locker room, but do we ever hear “nice girls always finish last?” No. Not because women never feel burned by the objects of their affection, but because women are generally more realistic, or if anything, more introspective.

If a guy I like, for example, is obviously not into me despite my efforts to be nice (and nice looking, for that matter) for him, and instead goes for some other girl, I don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that she’s some hard-ball playing bitch that’s going to hang him out to dry. I accept that he just picked someone else and respect his right as a human being to do so. I may not be happy for him, but do I accuse him of being a self-defeating sucker? No.

So the “nice guy” says:

The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department.

If you’re really complaining about losing a race for the p*ssy despite your efforts to be nice, how nice are you, really? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you’d actually give a shit whether or not she gets home safe or how her man treats her if you had no intention of getting in her pants? If you feel your effort is wasted, it probably wasn’t an effort to be nice — it was an effort to APPEAR nice enough so you can win a race for a prize–an OBJECT–that you want and you feel you deserve.

And you know how we women hate to be objectified.

Not to mention, being “nice” to another human being isn’t even supposed to be that hard.

So if you’ve taken the subway 10 extra stops in the wrong direction to see a girl home, taken her distressed phone calls in the middle of the night, taken every word that ever left her lips seriously and dedicated a disproportionate amount of time to showing her that, I say you need to rethink your strategy. Instead of dedicating all your time and energy to try to CONVINCE her to like you, just start with making yourself a likeable person.

Stop “playing” nice, because being a nice guy is EASY…but being a good catch is a challenge. Just flaunt your shit if you got it.

Nice guy rant

It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole. Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend.

But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening. Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the shit end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department.

Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole.

Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you. Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not.  They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole.

All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all.

One response to ““Nice guys” … or so they say”

  1. […] My video take on the “nice guy” rant: […]

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I'm a 30-something multimedia creator from New York. I do videos on Youtube centered on open discussion and co-mentorship. Once a month, I host a Q&A with inspiring people from entrepreneurs to athletes and more on The itsme Podcast. Be warned: I can be opinionated. But it's all love! Please follow and subscribe, it would mean a lot! :)

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